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mrnoone

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Subject: Back to reality ... Good while is lasted. Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:28:19

Hi, I hope it\'s a Happy New Year for everyone as when the clocks tick into the next year, i just think about my situation. I don\'t think i\'ll ever comes to term with not living with my 4year old son and move on. After having him for half the xmas holidays, i just really miss him. Its just feels like a dream now and i\'ve woken up. I got shared residency and have him every other full weekend, other weekends from Fri to Sat 12pm and half holidays but that doesnt even feel like enough. It\'s back to work tomorrow and back to reality. I hope you all managed to spend some time with your children whatever your situations.

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sometimesitdoesn'twork

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Posted: Thursday, December 5, 2013 - 13:03:30

I don\'t think anyone feels it is enough when the children live with them part time, but it\'s good to hear from you again and that you enjoyed contact over the holiday and it worked. Wishing you and your family a peaceful 2010.

MrNoOne

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Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:28:19

Hey stidw, hope all is well. Thanks. I also hope this year is peaceful but somehow i don\'t think it will be. I\'ve finally got my first AR hearing in March after I applied to the courts with an affidavit for the divorce since she wouldn’t proceed with anything but now she’s applied for AR. My son also tells me out of nowhere when I dropped him the other week that her partner says to him that I’m a prick.... how do you take that? My son said i say to him don’t say that. I was left speechless! Remember what happened last time I tried to take something further. I think this will only be over for me once I’m cremated. Otherwise, contact is ok. I would like more but i get to see him which is the main thing. I’m also in between jobs at the moment which is making it difficult for me to pick him up from school. I managed to get every Friday PM off before which was nice but hopefully I can negotiate that again.

sometimesitdoesn'twork

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Posted: Thursday, December 5, 2013 - 13:03:30

Oh dear. Dealing with the finances is always difficult but once it\'s done things do tend to settle down. Not reacting and avoiding criticism of your ex and her partner are the best ways to react to negative remarks. Children learn by example and when parents give them a distorted view of relationships between adults it affects the child\'s capacity to form their own relationships in adulthood. You can\'t stop your ex\'s behaviour or her partner\'s but you can be responsible for your own behaviour and not stop to that level. Also it isn\'t beyond the realms of possibility that your son repeated the remark for effect. Children are like that sometimes and contribute to disputes. If you can generally teach him to look at things as they are rather than how is told they are he will learn to make up his own mind.

obiwan_kenobi_again

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Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:21:51

i know exactly how you feel mrnoone... really... I guess you just have to do the best you can with your son when you have him... but I, like you, have always felt slightly incomplete without my sons... you dont get used to it... you just find a way to deal with it...

why?

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Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:22:57

if i was you id send an email to your ex and her partner asking them not to teach your 4 year old such language and point out that it is not healthy for your son to be told how to feelabout his own father. thats pretty disgusting language for a little boy who is only repeating what he is being told and does not understand exactly what the words mean. thats so cruel. you dont have to send anunpleasant messsage but just a short note to say that you are concerned at the language he is being taught and the effect this could have on him, then leave it, what ever the he response may be. however, if your ex is the sort to confront your little boy which will only make him feel responsible and to blame for the conflict then perhaps dont say anything but gently point out to your son that the word is not a nice word to say about anybody and that although you realise he isonly repeating what he heard from another adult, that the adult was wrong to use that word in front of him and give him a hug. i stopped expressing my concerns at what h was doing with our daughter because he always confronted her, sometimes saying that she was lying etc and i only ended up hating him for it all the more. i didnt want her to feel that she could n.ot speak to me or tell me things and i knew that if h made her aware that i was getting it back to him then she might lose trust in me as her mum and i didnt want that either.good luck and all the best

obiwan_kenobi_again

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Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:21:51

my kids just dont talk to me about their mum at all... i have never lied to them about what has happened - she knows this and hates it. she bad mouths me to them all of the time- sometimes when i am on the phone etc- all for my ben of course... hate all of it...
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