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polywoly

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Subject: Captain Oates Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:19:40

Hya, a few of you remember Oatsy. I am his girlfriend of one and half years. Oates is having a rough time still with contact re: ex. She reduced his contact to every other weekend one night. He then applied to court to change this. Then he had to go to court on another matter re: house and ended up with a large bill for costs. He is now sic of the whole situation and considering removing application to increase contact because of costs situation and thinks he might get more bills. He only listens to me up to a certain extent but should I persuade him to keep on with the contact application. Do you think she is just trying to scare him off?

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sometimesitdoesn'twork

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Posted: Thursday, December 5, 2013 - 13:03:30

It\'s rare for costs to be awarded in children cases. I thought they had been to court over contact not that long ago. Do you mean the Mother isn\'t complying with the order or that the court reduced it to one night every other week?

obiwan_kenobi_again

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Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:21:51

if oatsy deals with court and ex wifey in the same way he deals with people on this board- he is in for a ROUGH ride... costs are usually on application... but one party can ask for them to be shared -if there is hardship.

polywoly

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Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:19:40

Thanks for the replies. Yes, the court has reduced contact. The trouble is if Oatsy gives ex wifey an inch she tends to take a mile. Hence the hard approach.

Simes 2p

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Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:36:18

Poly, I hate to say it, but, the approach taken by Oatsy was wrong, always was wrong, and will probably continue to be wrong. I did go to Court with him once, a couple of years ago, and came away feeling that I was wasting my time trying to help people that were more concerned with fighting than seeing their children. If I took that view, and was on his side, what view would a Judge take?

polywoly

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Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:19:40

o.k. point taken

Kat007

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Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:29:05

Polywoly, It\'s lovely to hear from you and thank you for looking after Oasty for us, Other than this contact issue I hope you are both well and happy together he deserves at least that. Why did the court reduce contact there has to be a reason for this? And it is very unsual for costs awarded in children\'s cases. Maybe this can be looked at again. So Oats would like the contact re-instated understandably, he needs to approach this in a constructive and not destructive manner as he has done in the past, do you go to the court house with him if not maybe your calming influence will help. He can take this back and self rep or he can have a solicitor/barrister to help. Have CAFCASS been involved again if not then maybe get them involved so the children\'s wishes are heard and not just what the ex wants. He needs to do what he feels is best for his children and not what he or his ex wants that is the mistake a lot of parents make, the kids are supposed to have a life with both parents with as much contact as possible. Can you please just say to him for me that I send my love and hope he can do the right thing for his children which is stop fighting with the ex, this doesn\'t mean give in it just means that being angry and bitter towards each other breeds resentment in the adults and anger in the children. He will know what is right and wrong and thanks again for posting and good luck. xx

Captain Oates

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Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:31:47

Hello. Well, we had a cafcass report which came back as every other weekend fri to mon with half hols. Then went to court for a session in July. Thing is I have been very busy this year and with work and everything have stopped fighting, so I lost. Her father spent a lot of money and suprised me in July. They took a new approach of lying which threw me completely, then they started calling me names and calling me a child abuser and neglector etc. all while witholding passports and denying contact. I didn\'t know what to do, so said nothing, the judge looked at me and asked what I thought and I just asked that she do something about getting on us holiday. She said that was not why we were there, so I said I don\'t know what to say and said no more. She said, will you talk to cafcass, I said ok, but my ex was only offering 1 day every two weeks which was less than cafcass and I said what\'s the point in me expressing my opinion when her barrister refused cafcass offer anyway. All the while her barrister is trying to wind me up. So I walked off and came home fed up. I then put an emergency application in for holiday while she was on holiday in cyprus and got this scheduled for week 1 august. Then I get notification that final contact hearing is last week of august (min 28 days notice), thing is I was away on business for that week so write to everyone saying I can\'t make it and get my manager to do the same. I then go on holiday with children (Judge gave me 2 weeks) and when I get back get a letter that my application for an adjourment has been refused. However I then am off on business. I call the cafcass officer to find out the hearing happened without me and I was stitched up in court. The decent contact and order I had has been cut by over two thirds and now I have a brick wall of what you going to do about it and the court ain\'t happy I couldn\'t make it. It was a circuit court judge and everything, I did tell her sols I couldn\'t make it but he used it as an opportunity to proove lies as they had no case and kids were doing well. The costs thing is the last point that her barrister wrote, on the order it says if this every goes to court again I must explain why I did not attend and in the absence of a decent application the court may order that I pay the costs wasted of the days hearing. Not sure what to do with that. I think I want what the cafcass report says, but have just been too beat up to know which way is up. I have put in an application to have the order set aside and the old order back via a C2 ( she had no application but got this on the back of a failed non molestation order from her assaulting me during my contact time). Should I be worried about costs? In which case what do I do? Write in and stop hearing? if not worried about costs, what should I do? Simes, I do appreciate your views and you sound more and more like a lawyer. As such I have taken to saying nothing in court as ex and her sol seem to moan at me. If you fancy another trip we did well last time and the order lasted a while? It took me of trying the new order and being nice to ex before I just put the application in, but I am very worried, but the contact on offer is not good enough (really believe that), so between a rock and a hard place, not particularly happy and sick of it as polywoly correctly points out. Looking for decent help and advice as I find myself tired and fed up abnd not knowing what to do as her father spends his life and money trying to do me in.

Captain Oates

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Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:31:47

There\'s a lot more to this. The court letter said something like your request for an adjournment has been to the judge who has commented that without agreement of both sides the request for an adjournment must be held in a disputed hearing, this letter arrived when I was back from holiday the weekend before the hearing wih no time to apply. I supposed I could have applied and still could to get the hearing adjourned, but it happened and order was drawn, so I asked and was advised to apply to set aside the order. No ideea what is going on really other than my ex won\'t talk to me and I don\'t know what to do.

polywoly

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Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:19:40

Kat, thanks for your post. No I don\'t go to court and try to leave Oates and ex to sort out as much as possible. And ... it is up to Oates to decide what he does next. However, like some of the posts suggest, what is decided now may affect future contact so I think is important for him to put costs aside and keep regualar contact. Anyway, bye for now.

Kat007

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Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:29:05

I agree polywoly, Deffo put costs aside and ask for the order to be set aside a reheard, And if you can Oates and simes will, or can recommend a mckenzie friend for you. Keep going get a new order sorted with the contact that the kids and cafcass have suggested everyother weekend and an overnight stay mid week.

obiwan_kenobi_again

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Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:21:51

oatsy- i just hope you get to see your kids more... i KNOW what that feels like... crap- i am agreeing with oats-so-simple... whats wrong with me...>>>???? its doubly hard for you - as your ex is subtle as well as cunning- mine isnt... anyway - all the best - really...

Captain Oates

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Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:31:47

Cheers.
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