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MrNoOne

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Subject: Schooling and Parental Responsibility for NRP (aka Father) Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:28:19

Hi, I\'m the NRP and have SRO of my 3.5 year old boy. I applied for a primary school next door to his nursery which she objected due to her families kids going there and she doesn\'t get on with her family. She applied for two schools which I didn\'t agree with. The school I selected has a better Ofstead rating and children from his nursery are also going to be attending there. The two schools she choose were reassessed and had achieved a much better rating\\grade so I dropped it and agreed to let my son go there and be accepted at either one. I contacted the LEA to confirm whether an application has been made by her to these schools and after a big debate with them and showing them my SRO, they gave me confirmation and told me where he’s likely be accepted. He has been accepted at one of these schools which I am happy with. BUT, she now has reapplied for another school and this school has a very poor rating. The reason for the reapplication is unknown, but I’m assuming it’s because this school is much much closer to her parent’s home where they both live and the other schools are further. (btw, her house and proposed schools are all with 2-3 miles proximity) I was going to make an application to court when I didn’t agree with her choice of schools but the latest Ofstead reports satisfied me not to… but now she’s changed her application, what shall I do! And what does PR do! When I confronted the LEA, they didn’t want to know me at first. Please help?

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Captain Oates

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Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:31:47

Well, you can do three things. 1. Sort it out with her reasonably. 2. Write to her solicitor, then if no help there after a short time take it to Court - these are exactly the issues Court are more interested in rather than the usual ding dong. and 3. as you have a SRO, make your own school entry application (pending court outcome). Any or all of these, all the best. Court will judge what is best for the children. Do what you think is best.

Captain Oates

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Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:31:47

By pending court outcome, I mean before court decide and school places are all allocated, i.e. asap.

MrNoOne

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Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:28:19

Hi, I\'ve just left a message with the LEA to contact me back. I want to confirm whether she has made another application, if so, will he get a place for the school she reapplied for. Places are allocated in first week of April. As mentioned above, i\'ve also made a application already too but not heard back ... this school is right next door to his nursery and very good school but she objects. I will try and talk to her, but everything i say, i\'m wrong... and no doubt, she\'ll be happy going to court as she on legal aid.. or she will adjorn it if her application for legal aid not gone through like she did for contact.

obiwankenobi

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Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:34:41

my ex does this - my sons have moved schools 3-times in 18-months... Best of British - by the time you have got to court they will aready be at their desks.

MrNoOne

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Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:28:19

I just discovered my local LEA have not even received the application \'I\' made at the school next door to his nursery back in July last year so he\'s doesn\'t even have a place at that school next right next door to his nursery. Any form i submit now is late therefore he won\'t get place. Just my luck..... any i do never seems to work. I am satisfied at the school he has been accepted at of her choice but she wants to change that for another school which has a poor reputation.... normally all the places would be full by now but which parent would change to a poorer school from a good school.

Bon431

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Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:37:22

Hi there - What a tangle! I fully understand where you are coming from on wanting your son to go to the best school he can. From what you\'ve said, your x is going to do what she wants to anyway, regardless of your wishes or the quality of the school. You don\'t mention anything about who takes your son to school? Might this be a factor in her choice? If she doesn\'t get on with her family, why would she apply for a school close to her parents? Your post comes across as you making applications separately to your x and I\'m wondering if what she is really trying to do is be in control of which school your son goes to? I realise this might be very difficult, but it seems to me if you could discuss / agree with her some criteria against which to rate / rank possible schools, that will be beneficial to your son, then review a range of schools using the criteria and then agree which ones to actually apply to and how you will support her in doing that, you might find she\'ll be more open to the schools you prefer. (What I mean by criteria is things like class size, OFSTED rating, availability of computers and how much time then can use them, how many of his friends go there, range of afterschool activities, etc) Regarding the lost application, if that school ends up being on your list, you should approach the school to find out what happened and if they messed up, strongly encourage them to accept a late application. They must be able to do that since new children often join schools when their parents move midway through the school year. Good luck with it and please post again to let us know how you get on. Take care, Bon

Captain Oates

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Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:31:47

I agree with Bon. I also think you seem upset and need to chill. The application must have gone somewhere, I suggest you write a letter of complaint. I also advise sorting out and or getting this to court asap rather than worrying. Will be alright.

MrNoOne

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Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:28:19

@bon. Thanks for your detailed reply. Anything I suggest to her, I\'m wrong! With that, I cannot seem to discuss anything amicably and we end up arguing. She is very controlling and will do what she wants regardless of my wishes or desires. I have stressed the importance of ofstead, his friends from nursery going there, minimal change for him, but she just don’t want to listen and chose two other schools which are further away (0.5 mile), poorer rating, no friends. She doesn\'t care about the OFSTEAD report or those factors. This is why it harder and impossible. When i mean family, it\'s her second cousins. She lives with her parents. Her and her mum currently take\\pick him up from nursery. I used to too but she denied me contact and having established limited contact, i can\'t drop him anymore. I am more than happy to take him to\\from nursery\\school but she wants me to see him on her terms and that’s very limited and because there is an order in place. I made one application in case the she didn\'t or he doesn\'t get a place. This was back in July last year. One of the schools she had chosen was re-assessed in October and achieved a much better rating although it is not as good as the school next to his nursery which for which I made an application for and has got lost somewhere. As the school she choose got a better rating in October, I decided not to pursue as I was satisfied although disappointed she didn’t consider the school I choose. Now that she has made another application to change the school and my application is lost, where do I stand if.

BFS

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Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:39:35

Personally, I\'ve accepted (as NRP) that the ex will do what she wants here, and after all, it is her who is doing most of the school runs. That said, I\'d love to be able to discuss it more openly, as by daughters school has a crap rep. I\'d warn against reading too much into reports, tables etc. Your post reminded me of a chapter of Clarksons book, which I read the other day. I\'ve dug out the link. You\'ll get the sentiment, I\'m sure. http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/comment/columnists/jeremy_clarkson/article641306.ece Good luck whatever happens.

hopeofray

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Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:24:29

Hi. Please try to hang in there and keep your cool. It can be tough dealing with an ex who thinks that they are never wrong. Do you think she would have a problem picking up and dropping kids if the school is not as close by? I would worry about the poor rating too but not so much about the friends because most kids can make friends more easily than we can imagine. All the best and keep posting.

obiwan_kenobi_again

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Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:21:51

BFS- you are right... i have had to do the same thing... its hard to face that some parts of your life are over- thats one... now i get a snippet of school and see the odd assembly... but thats it really... crap ... but enevitable...

Bon431

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Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:37:22

Hi again - Good recent posts from others who know about this from firsthand experience. I\'m sure things will go better than you anticipate, whatever school your son goes to. It seems to me, given what you say about your x, your son will be better off if you let your x make the decision, then focus your effort on establishing your own relationship with the school so you can develop your own understanding of how things are going for him once he starts. Schools differ, but some will send a copy of any reports, etc to you as well as your x and invites to different things too. You could also request to meet on your own with his teacher early on. Even though I was working, I tried to get involved and volunteer to do things with the school. If your son knows you are really interested in how he is getting on at school and are developing a relationship with his school, surely that is a better environment for him than knowing his parents disagree about what school he is going to? Take care, Bon
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