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MrNoOne

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Subject: My Court Case and looks like back again, what other my other options? Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:28:19

Been quite some time since I’ve posted. Reason, become so dishearten and lost hope! I had my second directions hearing back in November and the judge, who was an old Victorian Deputy District Judge, just went on about how things were during the Victorian days where fathers go to work and mother looks after the child and that are where children should be. He basically wasn’t on my side and didn’t like what the Cafcass report suggested about the shared residence order and midweek overnight or extending weekends until Monday. He wanted to know exactly what the shared residency order meant. When he learned it didn’t mean 50/50, he was happy, sorry, seemed like more relived. He also had a right go at me for doing a chart which portrayed the amount of contact I had for 2007\\2008, showed when contact was denied, how much contact I’m getting now and said what kind of father am I. I was just trying to show the amount of contact I had before which backfired on me. He then let us out the room as he wanted us to try and sort something out so we did and he rubber stamped it.... still not got the order though! My barrister and her barrister had discussed contact matters and by then even my barrister was on their side and said to me I don’t know what good contact is and advised that I should accept what’s being given. By the end I just felt so alone and ended up agreeing what I could get hence why I’ve become so disheartened and lost hope! And kept thinking if the judge is like that, I could get less if I come back :’-( I got what she was offering plus the shared residence. Basically: • Shared Residence Order • Daily Telephone Contact • Every other weekend from Fri after School\\Nursery -> Sun 6pm • Other weekends from Fri after School\\Nursery -> Sat 12pm • Any other contact that can be agreed (basically hardly anything) • Shared Holidays • Extend overnight Stay if Monday Bank Holiday falls on my weekend • Overnight stay on Father Days (I had to fight hard for this and in the end, I had to say forget it all and tell her we come back to court.... Can’t believe she wouldn’t even let me have overnight on father’s day) Was I being unreasonable asking for “2” extra nights a Month by extending the alternate Weekends until Monday Morning OR maybe a mid week? Because she said “other contact that can be agreed”, I had no one on my side. If contact could be agreed between us, would I be in court in the first place. Then nothing about his School got sorted out and I tried to have a discussion about it today with her, but as before, she is persistent about her schools chosen which clearly have a poorer ofstead rating compare to my choice but she won’t even consider it. She just said in the end do what you want and I don’t care going to court....... so it looks like I have to go back to court again now anyway.

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Captain Oates

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Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:31:47

Well, it\'s up to you. I think every other weekend Friday eve school to Monday morning school is better. or how about Thursday from School until Tuesday to School (50:50). Why you should back down if she doesn\'t I do not understand and is surely a glitch in the system.

Captain Oates

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Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:31:47

The barristers idea of good contact is what is good in the idea of the court and the court is notoriously conservative and stingy with re to giving men contact to see their children. He does have a point though in that you may well be wasting your money. It may be better morally just to keep on objecting and not signing anything. At least then you don\'t give passive agreement to the likes of STIDW who would otherwise claim you have reached an amicable settlement that you are happy with!

sometimesitdoesn'twork

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Posted: Thursday, December 5, 2013 - 13:03:30

I\'m very sorry you didn\'t get the contact you wanted, although I don\'t think you should be disheartened. You got a SRO which was important to you, indirect contact everyday and 3/4 quality days at weekend. Overall that is a decent amount. Also you should now know where you stand rather than being on tender hooks all the time wondering if and when contact was going to happen. Hang on to the thought it\'s the quality of contact that is important rather than the quantity. It wasn\'t unreasonable asking for Sunday nights or midweek contact but people have different attitudes and at the end of the day it\'s only the judge\'s opinion that is binding. Your barrister was probably being realistic by trying to get you to come to an agreement because he knew the judge and you could have been worse off with an imposed decision. As someone wisely said a couple of threads down happiness isn\'t about getting what you want but making your peace with what you have.

obiwankenobi

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Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:34:41

think of it as a \'stop gap\' ... its not the end... run with it and in a feww years- you can apply for a vary if its not working etc...

Captain Oates

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Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:31:47

If I were you I\'d just ignore the order now and do fri after school to monday at school every other weekend. I had a very similar order to you and working all week then kids every weekend was not as much fun.

Captain Oates

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Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:31:47

By Court standards it\'s an enormous amount, especially inc. SR, well done. I can see no point in you going back to Court unless going for full residency.

LazyLizzie

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Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:30:41

I am no child care expert and I can understand that you didn\'t get what you wanted. But as a mum I can see that with a child of nursery age maybe mid week visits will cause upset for the little one - they won\'t in a few years time. I would go with Obi on this one. Accept what you have for the time being, maybe as your child reaches junior school age - not so very far away would be a good time to try to make a change. Realistically, you are getting a lot of quality time with your child whilst mum has the chore of getting him/her ready for school and the brief time after school pick up and before bed. Personally, given a choice I would rather have the hours that you have rather than the hours she has. What does shared holidays actually mean?
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