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TimD

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Subject: Coping with all this upset Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:23:54

Hi, After finding my wife has been seeing another man, I\'m really struggling to cope with all these emotions that are flying around in my head. How do you cope with these feelings... I\'m feeling:- Hurt Betrayed Gulity Disappointment Loads of Anger / Vengeful Fear Frustration I feel totally paraniod over everything right now I flit between most of them nearly every minute or two, I can\'t concentrate on anything, I\'m not eating, not sleeping very much at all, maybe a couple of hours a day, I\'m scared of what is going to happen to me and my kids now, I\'m worried about the finances, how the hell do I get past all of this, I just can\'t seem to see anyway of moving on.....

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Stuart

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Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:39:14

Hi Tim, All I can say is that all of the above is totally normal. A marriage breakup is like a bereavement without the dead body. It will not be of any comfort but there are many people here, myself included who have been in the receiving end of such disgusting behaviour so please dont feel alone. I can tell you that the old cliche about time being a great healer does have an element of truth. My ex had her affair last Jan / Feb time with someone I knew very well. I went through all of the same feelings and emotions but after just a short period of time I got to thinking that this woman wasnt worthy of my love anyway. Someone who can just throw in her vows for someone else who isnt 1% as good as me and can never ever match me isnt worth my tears. Right now you need to be looking after yourself and your children. They need a Dad who can take care of them and that they can trust. They will know that their Mum isnt honest no matter what their ages are. Yes they will love her but right now they need you to be strong for them. I went to my GP in the 1st instant. Perhaps consider a short term on some anti D\'s to help you make sense of things and to get some rest. I promise you that in no time at all you will realise that your ex and the tosser are not worthy of your thoughts. Take care and keep posting.

divorce

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Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:24:06

how long have you been married? what age are your children? have there been problems in the marriage? did you find out by yourself or did she approach you? i certainly dont condone affairs or one night stands etc. ive had sex related stuff from my husband and lots more,who has now moved out. i felt all of the above and its true when you say that your feelings change many times in one day. i felt different every couple of minutes and for me the worst part in all of this is that my very young 3 children will not have the experience of a \'normal\' family environment which is alien to me. i never dreamed in a million years it would happen to me and id have done anything to make it work. sadly i spent years trying to understand my husbands psyche and after 11 years i had to give up. maybe you can talk to her before you start worrying about divorce. if this is undoubtedly where it is heading then ask her what she would expect financially. i think many people worry about being left with little or nothing but its all fair.

Kat007

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Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:29:05

As postings before all of what you are feeling is perfectly normal and understandable been there done it and eventually got through it, I sometimes have the why did he do it thought but then that soon passes because for me nearly two years down the line it\'s way in the past and stuart is correct it is like a bereavement and with that it takes time. First things first, get your head clearer, go to your GP speak to them about anti D\'s and maybe some counselling your children need you to be healthy, then in a few weeks, months however long you need then start thinking of the way forward from this awful mess, I promise if it wasn\'t for all the wonderful people here who helped and supported me through it I think I would still be in a right old state, we will help and give advice but most of all chat when you need a bloody good rant about things. This is the right place, so any questions or just for an moan keep posting.

sueharnden

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Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:23:18

All this is very normal I went through all the same emotions when i found out my partner was having an affair we tried again, looking back now (2 years down the line) i think what a plonker and fool i was. All I can tell you is you will be become a stronger person because of it and think back in time.. I have made use of my newly found freedom. You need to concentrate on your kids and ensure they are getting the best care and love possible they will bring you through it. Concentrate your energies providing them with a stable home and keeping the normal routine going as far as possible it will get better I assure you. You have doe no wrong hold your head up high- with it will come a new found confidence and you will in time feel better. Go shopping or do something completely different with you and the kids even if itsfeeding the ducks. I got a diary and made a note of something positive that happened to me even if it was someone smiling at me those things are so so important on the road to recovery Good luck take each day and dont worry about the future at this emotional time. Your kids are the most important thing in your life and if you can give them the confidence to grow smile and stable they will be an asset to you in years to come
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