Subject: New Partners Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:24:01
I am really struggling with the fact that my ex-husband (almost) is in another relationship already. What really gets me is this person is a friend and lives across the road from me. Its just so in my face - all I do is cry all the time. Feel like I am having a melt down.
I just dont understand why I feel like this since I did the leaving. Any advice?
Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:36:10
Hi Lyndieloo, from what I\'m told and have observed it is not uncommon for the one who did the leaving to feel this way when their ex gets a new partner.
Someone I know who went through this tells me that when she got to the bottowm of why she felt that way, it came down to the fact that she was grieving the fact she had been displaced as her ex\'s \"special person and only love.\" That may sound odd as in leaving that seems on the outside to be a natural consequence. But she said she had not really turned her mind to that. She wanted to end the relationship but she still held on to the fact that she was \"the one\" for him even though he wasn\'t for her.
So what she experienced on learning her assumption was now untrue and he had displaced her from that place in his heart was a grieving process for that loss which left her very wobbly. On the surface it was illogical but underneath her emotions were all over the place and it made no sense.
Counselling helped her understand it and deal with it. Or maybe just being honest about what you are feeling with a close friend and confidante. Are you likely to be living across the road forever?
Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:24:49
First of all, please don’t be so harsh on yourself. We all tend to act beyond our own reasonable expectations sometimes. You may have walked out of your marriage, but that does not end the emotional connection right away because deep in our hearts, we all want our marriage to work. Having said that, the more you allow yourself to be affected by whom your ‘almost ex’ dates or what he does, the worse it will be for your overall well-being. I know it might be a tough to do but you have to keep your mind occupied so that you are not bothered by negative thoughts. Go out with your friends or seek emotional support from family. It truly helps when we reach out to the ones we love. Hope that helps.