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finisha

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Subject: It is over but I don’t know how to say it Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:24:06

I want to tell my partner it is over. It has been over for a very long time now. My partner has a very bad temper problem and he starts abusing me and throwing things around when he gets mad. He has not hit me yet but I feel very scared that he will do that anytime. Due to this, even though I have been thinking about divorce for a long time, I didn’t know how to tell him this without fearing what he might do due to his temper problem. We have been married for only 2 years and I really cannot even tolerate him anymore. This marriage was the biggest mistake of my life. For the past 3 months, we have been staying in separate bedrooms because I cannot even tolerate him coming close to me. What do I do? Should I get out of the house and then tell him that it is over? What if he tries to harass me after that?

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hopeofray

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Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:24:29

Finisha, seems to me that your partner is already subjecting you to emotional abuse given the fact that he is abusing you and you are feeling scared of his temper. In my opinion, you should not stick around in the house. If you have another place where you can go, now would be a good time. Emotionally abusive partners may turn physically abusive so it’s best not to take chances especially if he is already throwing stuff around the house. If your partner tries to harass you after you have told him about your intention to divorce, you can seek legal help to stop him. I believe people make use of injunction orders in such cases.

sometimesitdoesn'twork

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Posted: Thursday, December 5, 2013 - 13:03:30

The usual legal advice is to stay put until the finances have been sorted but if your safety is at risk there is little alternative to move out. Consulting a lawyer to find out where you stand and what your options are is a good idea. Many solicitors offer a first half hour appointment free.

Joyce.

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Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:27:29

My view is that unless he is a complete psycho, you need to tell your husband you want a divorce to his face. It depends how unsafe you feel as to how you do it though. You could always do it in a public place - much less likely to go for you there. Whatever you do, have a back up plan - and do trust your instincts. If you suddenly feel unsafe, get up and go - even if you walk out with no purse or keys or coat. Better to err on teh side of catuion. Take care, and good luck.

LazyLizzie

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Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:30:41

If you are planning to end your relationship then please think of some of the practicalities such as money. Do you have a bank account solely in your name into which your salary/income can be paid? If you don\'t then please apply to open one now. Opening a bank account without a permanent address can be very difficult as they always ask for id. Is there somewhere else you can go if you need to - possibly at very short notice or late at night? If not then please don\'t walk out without your purse and keys - always have them where you can get to them. Somebody I know who was in a similar position used to keep some cash and a debit card in her desk drawer at work just in case of an emergency. (I always wondered what she would do if she needed them at a weekend but it was still better than nothing.) Take Joyce\'s advice - follow your instincts, if you feel at risk then get yourself to a place of safety. It matters more than anything else does.
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