Telephone
Helpline
Discussions
& Chats
Case
Histories
Available
Downloads

You are not logged in.

Facebook Twitter Google Digg Reddit LinkedIn Pinterest StumbleUpon Email

In order to post messages to this discussion board click here to login/register

Back

Home Register

peter42

Joined:
Posts:
Location:

Message

Subject: Child maintenance issue Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:24:20

Hi. I have been voluntarily making the child maintenance payments for the past 10 years. My wife and I are divorced but there was no court order for maintenance. Now both my children are no longer studying full time so I suggested to my ex that I pay my daughters a monthly allowance. She did not take this too well even though she is earning quite well herself. I have never made any issue about paying maintenance and always thought of it as my responsibility. However, now both my daughters are working part-time and I am more than willing to pay them a monthly allowance to them (but not maintenance to her). My ex is saying bad things about me to my daughters and I can sense that by their cold attitude. My ex is also threatening to go after my pension. Can she do that? Also, I don’t mind paying her maintenance for my children’s sake but I feel that I will be paying her so that my children do not act cold towards me. Is that fair? I don’t feel like giving in. Any advice?

Replies

Martin

Joined:
Posts:
Location:


Message

Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:40:14

Was there any sort of court stamped financial order at the Absolute stage? Have either of you remarried? If thats a no and a no, then yes, she is free to initiate court procedings for financial closure to the marriage, even this many years later. However, a robust defence will establish that only the pension accrued during the marriage years is available to be shared. X is clearly comfortable with the gravy train continuing (who wouldn\'t be? lol) and has lost sight of the original agreement and purpose. Perhaps ask her at what point she feels that payments to help raise the children from you would be fair to stop? At least then you would have an idea of whether she views the money as \'hers\' or childrens money, and to at least concede that there is a stopping point at some stage. It might be time to tell the children your proposals directly as they are now adults (all but). JMO... there\'s a fair split in the camp on this board whether kids should ever be told... bought into the proceedings as such... or just left between the adults to sort out. Another idea is to inform x that you have no intention whatsoever of actually stopping the payments, just re-directing them so D\'s then pay mum directly, as part and parcel of the growing up and standing on own two feet process.

Stuart

Joined:
Posts:
Location:


Message

Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:39:14

I agree with Martin. Have a quiet word with the children and explain the situation. It does sound to me like Mum sees the CM as hers and may well be of the opinion that it should be forever.

EnglishRose

Joined:
Posts:
Location:


Message

Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:33:37

If you had a final settlement of finances on divorce - a consent order - then she cannot now go after your pension. If you did not and you are in England then she can get a final order now which may be 50% of both your joint assets.

divorce

Joined:
Posts:
Location:


Message

Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:24:06

to be fair. if the children are still living under her roof and she is ultimately doing their washing, buying food etc then she should be supported financially by them if they are working. however, if they are only working part time or unable to contribute much financially then i think you continuing to pay maintenance to your wife enables her to support them whilst they are building their own careers etc. even when children are \'grown up\' they still need support. can you be sure that your children would contribute to the household costs if you paid them directly? whats the difference who you pay it to?
You need to login / register to post a reply.