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divorce

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Subject: Christams Arangements Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:24:06

i actually feel that it would be wrong to ask your boy where he would like to spend christmas because that could cause problems between you and your ex and is very unfair on the child. i also think that your son should be in his \'family home\' for christmas as this is such a magical time for him. he\'s at an age where he believes in santa and is bound to be very excited going to bed on christmas eve. would he be so excited going to bed in a place that is not his home. a place where he doesn\'t have his own space/room? somewhere familiar where he can run around in excitement at what santa has brought? especially if there is another single man staying there or a girlfriend that\'s not his mum. i think you should point all this out to your ex - christmas should be as normal & familiar & exciting as it has always been. your son could go stay on boxing day/night. would you and your ex consider being together with your son on christmas day. my husband and i separated about 4 weeks ago and i have asked him to attend all christmas events leading up to christmas with me and our children for their sake only. he is also willing to stay over on christmas eve so he can get up early to see what santa has brought his children. i know they will be excited and want their dad to be there at such time. it might be different in your case because you have been separated for 2 years already and your son has already spent christmas without his dad. what it all boils down to is if just one of you can \'travel the upper road\' in all of this and be willing to do this for your son then i think it might be a good idea. especially as it shows you are thinking about your sons dad too. their relationship is important and quite frankly will suffer if you are not both seen to be thinking of your son together, united as parents - not as man and wife.

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sometimesitdoesn'twork

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Posted: Thursday, December 5, 2013 - 13:03:30

There is no one arrangement that suits all families. Sometimes Christmases are alternated or the children spend Christmas Eve/morning with one parent and the afternoon/ Christmas night with the other. Courts frequently seem to order contact 50% of the quality holiday and weekend time. Children\'s views are important but it\'s not fair to expect an 8 year old to make the decision. In my experience the best way to resolve disputes relating to children is through mediation. People tend to listen more to each other when a third party is involved and trying to get the parties to work together. Parental conflict is never in the interests of a child.

evr

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Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:39:03

I think you have to get used to the idea that once you got divorced things were going to change. Your son will get used to having two homes, and spending time separately with two parents. The reasons you put forward for your reluctance don\'t really stand up. Your son will be fine with his dad, and you will presumably see your son for some of the Christmas holiday. He\'s your ex\'s son as well as yours. Please don\'t even think about asking your son to make the decision. That would be a very unkind thing to do.

Teadrinker

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Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:39:18

I would just encourage him to spend time with his dad. If he spends some of the Christmas period with you, and some with his dad, then that\'s great. He spent last Christmas Day with you and your family so it\'s right that he should spend this Christmas Day with his dad. If he went to court over contact, you\'d normally be expected to take turns over Christmas. That might mean your son celebrates Christmas with dad on Christmas Day and mum on Boxing Day and then the following year does it the other way around and so on. I\'m not sure why he\'d expect to see his friends on Christmas Day unless they are also neighbours - would he really see his friends then? But in any case he can see them on other days over the holiday. Maybe try and think of Christmas as the whole of the school holiday or however much time you are off work with him, instead of as 25th only. So he\'ll spend bits of Christmas with his dad and bits with you. When you and your ex were together, if you both have family you might have alternated spending Christmas with one person\'s family and then the other so it\'s not so very different. I think your son is much too young to get a say in where he spends Christmas. Maybe when he\'s about 13! Just encourage him to be positive about time with each parent and if Christmas Day isn\'t the best of the days he spends celebrating Christmas, is that so very bad?

Mr.Hopeless

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Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:24:50

I can understand that Christmas time can be very hard for everyone. We all want to make it special for the ones we love and for ourselves too but sometimes, we just have to let things go. If I were in your situation, I would respect your son’s feelings but would also ask him why does not want to spend time with his dad around Christmas. Maybe there is some underlying reason why your son is repeatedly refusing to see his dad. if not, I think it would be a good idea to encourage him to meet his dad because young boys need to have a good relationship with their dads in their formative years.

divorce

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Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:24:06

i actually feel that it would be wrong to ask your boy where he would like to spend christmas because that could cause problems between you and your ex and is very unfair on the child. i also think that your son should be in his \'family home\' for christmas as this is such a magical time for him. he\'s at an age where he believes in santa and is bound to be very excited going to bed on christmas eve. would he be so excited going to bed in a place that is not his home. a place where he doesn\'t have his own space/room? somewhere familiar where he can run around in excitement at what santa has brought? especially if there is another single man staying there or a girlfriend that\'s not his mum. i think you should point all this out to your ex - christmas should be as normal & familiar & exciting as it has always been. your son could go stay on boxing day/night. would you and your ex consider being together with your son on christmas day. my husband and i separated about 4 weeks ago and i have asked him to attend all christmas events leading up to christmas with me and our children for their sake only. he is also willing to stay over on christmas eve so he can get up early to see what santa has brought his children. i know they will be excited and want their dad to be there at such time. it might be different in your case because you have been separated for 2 years already and your son has already spent christmas without his dad. what it all boils down to is if just one of you can \'travel the upper road\' in all of this and be willing to do this for your son then i think it might be a good idea. especially as it shows you are thinking about your sons dad too. their relationship is important and quite frankly will suffer if you are not both seen to be thinking of your son together, united as parents - not as man and wife.
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