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divorce

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Subject: Child Visitation Issues Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:24:06

i think this is utterly selfish, ugly behaviour. your son must feel so unimportant to his dad. it\'s important that you over compensate for this lack of affection by drowning him in love and showing him that you care about his feelings. actually talk to your son about his feelings and ask him how it makes him feel when his dad doesn\'t turn up. he might also be feeling angry as well as hurt and abandoned. however, as difficult as it may be, its important that you somehow prepare him for these let downs and don\'t build him up with excitement when his dad is due to visit - just in case. it might be good if you can find a way to explain to your son that his dad often isn\'t able to make his visits by making an excuse for him. ie: daddies job is so demanding that he often has to stay longer than he expected. it may not be true but it would be far less hurtful to your son than saying something like, your dad doesn\'t care or dad never has the time or dad always lets us down at the last minute. this will only make your son feel even less wanted, needed and loved. in his own time he will make his own decisions about his dad and it will be based on memories, happy & SAD ones, or perhaps he\'ll have little memory of him at all. as long as you make him feel important and make sure he has lots of friends and interests. i also suggest that you never cancel something your son really wants to do in favour of his dad turning up unless you have explained to his dad that and had 100% agreement that he is coming. perhaps you could adopt a habit of pretending you need to be somewhere at the same time as pick up so his dad feels less able to let him down.

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sometimesitdoesn'twork

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Posted: Thursday, December 5, 2013 - 13:03:30

When you say you have custody and a visitation agreement do you mean there have been legal proceedings and you have a residency/contact order? There isn\'t much point in going to court as there is no law that orders a parent to have contact with a child. Contact orders require the parent with whom the child lives to make the the child available for contact, not the other way round. If you have tried talking there isn\'t a lot to be done other than accept dad is going to behave the way he does and focus on supporting your son.

madonna37

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Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:24:49

Yes, there have been legal proceedings. I am feeling very frustrated but thanks for the answer. I guess I really don\'t have a choice so I will probably try to protect my son in whichever way I can. I really feel hopeless sometimes. It is hard enough being a single parent. But to put up with an inconsiderate ex who happens to be your son’s father is even harder.

divorce

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Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:24:06

i think this is utterly selfish, ugly behaviour. your son must feel so unimportant to his dad. it\'s important that you over compensate for this lack of affection by drowning him in love and showing him that you care about his feelings. actually talk to your son about his feelings and ask him how it makes him feel when his dad doesn\'t turn up. he might also be feeling angry as well as hurt and abandoned. however, as difficult as it may be, its important that you somehow prepare him for these let downs and don\'t build him up with excitement when his dad is due to visit - just in case. it might be good if you can find a way to explain to your son that his dad often isn\'t able to make his visits by making an excuse for him. ie: daddies job is so demanding that he often has to stay longer than he expected. it may not be true but it would be far less hurtful to your son than saying something like, your dad doesn\'t care or dad never has the time or dad always lets us down at the last minute. this will only make your son feel even less wanted, needed and loved. in his own time he will make his own decisions about his dad and it will be based on memories, happy & SAD ones, or perhaps he\'ll have little memory of him at all. as long as you make him feel important and make sure he has lots of friends and interests. i also suggest that you never cancel something your son really wants to do in favour of his dad turning up unless you have explained to his dad that and had 100% agreement that he is coming. perhaps you could adopt a habit of pretending you need to be somewhere at the same time as pick up so his dad feels less able to let him down.
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