Telephone
Helpline
Discussions
& Chats
Case
Histories
Available
Downloads

You are not logged in.

Facebook Twitter Google Digg Reddit LinkedIn Pinterest StumbleUpon Email

In order to post messages to this discussion board click here to login/register

Back

Home Register

MrNoOne

Joined:
Posts:
Location:

Message

Subject: argue for interim contact at the directions hearing Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:28:19

What to do now. Today, the court hearing date came and it’s in Mid Sept. My sol also received the letter from her sol in regards to contact and she said she has no intention of denying contact and didn’t but the fact I didn’t contact her all that time so it’s my fault she saying. X2be said she has been very generous in contact before the argument between us and that she still is going to be. She proposed\\offered ‘Every Other Weekend Fri (From Nursery) - Sun (6pm) and a few flexible hours on those other weekend’s I don’t see my son but this will need to be agreed by her. She’ll probably go mad again now that she’s also received the hearing date too and take back what she just offered even though she responded late. I’m really upset about what she has offered and the hearing date is ages away. My sol is going to reply about contact being reduced and if we can reach an agreement to what I had before, I would then drop the hearing. Also if we can draw up an order and get it rubber stamped at the same time. Just finding it hard to be strong right now and what to do or what will happen.

Replies

obiwankenobi

Joined:
Posts:
Location:


Message

Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:34:41

well- your solicitor does work for you- tell him why- \'my kids havent seen me... i would like you to advise me how we can achieve this please...\' at my directions hearing- my sol got some limited contact- so it can be done... i know i am a bit of a cynic... and sols do get paid more if they do more court... anyway- keep plugging@!

MrNoOne

Joined:
Posts:
Location:


Message

Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:28:19

i\'ve been searching argue/contesting interim contact and not much comes up so really needs others opinons about this asap. the more i read, the more i learn and do things to prepare for my case, but should\'nt the sol be telling me what i should be doing rather than me researching and going back to him like ie. if this cannot be done, why would fnf\'s write this. i am giving my sol a cheque tomo and some paperwork for the c1 form. Even i agree, more court hearings = the more money they make. I really don\'t want to be in a situation about doubting my solicitor right now, i don\'t need this.

sometimesitdoesn'twork

Joined:
Posts:
Location:


Message

Posted: Thursday, December 5, 2013 - 13:03:30

Don\'t panic, your sol will know the ropes and the local courts. If necessary he should be able to think on his feet. FnF\'s advice is for people who don\'t know the ropes representing themselves and is probably out of date. TBH it often causes a lot of unnecessary anxiety. Usually the first hearing is mediation/concilliation.

MrNoOne

Joined:
Posts:
Location:


Message

Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:28:19

@sometimesitdoesn\'twork, i was hoping you\'d reply. Everything you said in the past seems to have matched what my solictors says so i have faith in you and your advice. Thanks.... you should be my sol. The more i reaserch, the more i\'m doing and you\'re right, causing me more anxiety. Hopefully no false allegations will be made against me and the number of hearings will be minimal with a good result... really missing him now.

sometimesitdoesn'twork

Joined:
Posts:
Location:


Message

Posted: Thursday, December 5, 2013 - 13:03:30

I\'ll keep my fingers crossed. If no allegations are made against you it could all be very straight forward.

Captain Oates

Joined:
Posts:
Location:


Message

Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:31:47

Good luck MrNoOne. I can\'t offer much by legal advice apart from dress smartly. I am sorry you have to go through this.

MrNoOne

Joined:
Posts:
Location:


Message

Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:28:19

The C1 forms will be sent off today my sol says in the DX post. He mentioned last week the courts which are local to x2be and said we\'ll check which court has the ealiest date. Now when i asked him this morning, have you found which court has the earliest date? Sol said we can only send it to the court in the area which the child resides. I then asked him but last week you said you\'ll check which court with the earliest date. He said, If its about the divorce, you can use anycourt but child needs to be in the area in which the child lives. How true is this? one minute he says something else and another minute something else. Also how soon does a court come back with a date?

Captain Oates

Joined:
Posts:
Location:


Message

Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:31:47

I thought you said children lived half with each of you. I thus would have put through your local county court. Is it not the same court? No point in worrying now as has gone in. As we all said before courts and solicitors on civil matters are notoriously slapstick and best avoided / limited whenever / if possible.

Captain Oates

Joined:
Posts:
Location:


Message

Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:31:47

You own this, not him or her (solicitor), unless you feel this then you need to have the sense to sack your solicitor and get someone you believe and can talk to. This is very important.

Captain Oates

Joined:
Posts:
Location:


Message

Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:31:47

About 3 months.

MrNoOne

Joined:
Posts:
Location:


Message

Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:28:19

Even though, we are only around 2-3 miles apart, we live in different borough\'s. I feel really confused right now and mentally exhausted. I can talk to him but like now, when he contradict\'s himself, i don\'t belive what he says is true or not hence come back to this forum. I\'m not a professional in this area. how smooth will the transistion be if i have to change solicitor... i know this would not be advisable.

sometimesitdoesn'twork

Joined:
Posts:
Location:


Message

Posted: Thursday, December 5, 2013 - 13:03:30

I wouldn\'t overreact, in the grand scale of things it\'s not that important. What does matter is your sol realises you were sharing caring 50:50 so the issue needs to get in front of the court now ASAP and you keeping expectations realistic. However, if you are uncomfortable and have little confidence in your sol you should consider changing. The problem is that wastes more time and money finding someone new and briefing them. If you are that anxious it could be difficult to find someone you do have confidence in and representing yourself might not be for you. JMO.

Captain Oates

Joined:
Posts:
Location:


Message

Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:31:47

Just get the thing in asap then think about if you and he can do this together. If not change. The issue needs to get in front of the court now ASAP. Some courts are better for Mums and some for Dads but close like this prob don\'t make much odds. London courts are notoriously feminist. The Welsh and Scotish less so, and varying inbetween. Get the thing in asap.

MrNoOne

Joined:
Posts:
Location:


Message

Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:28:19

I guess I’ll have to trust him. I had a surprise just now, x2be phoned me. She phoned asking me why I keep phoning this place to see if she and my son are there and said that I have her number and to call her directly. I was gob smacked as I’ve not phoned her let alone phoned anywhere else to see where they are. I said to her that I could not prove I didn’t phone and asked her to see if it can be traced. I also spoke to my son, he didn’t say anything at first and was silent, x2be then said talk, and I was talking to him too, he remembered me and started talking. I started to cry, he seems like he\'s grown up and talks fluently now. She said she just got the letter and will respond back to it via her new sol and asked me to tell my sol. We talked about the misunderstanding and she said you may just call Social Services everything I have contact with my son as he talks a lot of rubbish. She also said she will draw up another SOA but wouldn’t tell me what it would be and that she has been lenient with contact letting me have him how much I did which effectively became shared. I said I can’t change what you going to right in the new SOA that or when you are going to let me see my son, it’s been nearly 6 weeks, don’t you think you’ve punished my enough how it is. I think he has already sent the C1 form off. I probably won’t even agree to the new proposed arrangement as it’s not going to be like before. I can’t afford her to deny access every time we have a misunderstanding or argument. If we got on well, we wouldn’t be in this situation in the first place.

Captain Oates

Joined:
Posts:
Location:


Message

Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:31:47

Phone your sol up and delay the form going in. A day or so wont make much difference. Is better than taking her to Court. Court is definitely worst case, most guys on here after hours and hundreds of thousands of £s will tell you that. Sols just want to get paid. Try to sort it between you with neither going to sols.

Captain Oates

Joined:
Posts:
Location:


Message

Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:31:47

Her phoning you changes everything, it is progress.

Captain Oates

Joined:
Posts:
Location:


Message

Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:31:47

If she is using it as a delaying tactic then that is not the end of the world as you can say so in your submissions to the court and it look bad on her. But don\'t wait past end of this week.

MrNoOne

Joined:
Posts:
Location:


Message

Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:28:19

The form has gone off. I dont know when i\'ll receive the reply from her either. She\'s never replied to previous letters before. If the reply is good which i doubt otherwise she would have told me her proposals, we can cancel the court hearing.

Captain Oates

Joined:
Posts:
Location:


Message

Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:31:47

Yes, ok, or put it into a legal agreement.

sometimesitdoesn'twork

Joined:
Posts:
Location:


Message

Posted: Thursday, December 5, 2013 - 13:03:30

I\'m always in favour of keeping matters out of court whenever possible but when no contact is happening at all I think there is no choice. Unless contact is reestablished immediately I wouldn\'t waste more time and just let the application go ahead. Even then contact has been an issue for a considerable period of time and having it defined would be good. It is still possible to negotiate an agreement by consent and just get it approved by the judge. All you can do is just keep trying to be reasonable.

MrNoOne

Joined:
Posts:
Location:


Message

Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:28:19

She would not put the previous SOA into a legal agreement even after sending her numorous letters. I\'m guessing she doesnt want to be bound to it.

MrNoOne

Joined:
Posts:
Location:


Message

Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:28:19

I agree with sometimesitdoesn\'twork. I have to let the application go ahead now. Enough time has already been wasted. I need an order in place now as this could just happen again.

Captain Oates

Joined:
Posts:
Location:


Message

Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:31:47

Well, by default, in my experience, unless she is offering less, court will offer every other weekend if there is no agreement. In this country Courts are notoriously mean to the Fathers. STIDW doesn\'t have knowledge or sight of that. It is where I am coming from. By default Judge will give in to her sadly, I am sorry if you have to spend a lot of money to find that out.

Captain Oates

Joined:
Posts:
Location:


Message

Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:31:47

If it gets that far, hopefully it won\'t have cost you too much and you get the Judge in a good (i.e. favourable to you) mood and get the contact you want. I just haven\'t seen any men get contact increased, where there was any contact before from a Judge, they are bastards like that.

Captain Oates

Joined:
Posts:
Location:


Message

Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:31:47

Best bet as a bloke is probably going for residency when kids are over 13 and able to express preference for that. I agree with ER on that. How old is your son please?

Captain Oates

Joined:
Posts:
Location:


Message

Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:31:47

The older the better for you. Over 13, home and dry. 7 to 13 think may be good chance with CAFCASS listening to him objectively. Under 7, not so good a chance. Under 3, no chance.

MrNoOne

Joined:
Posts:
Location:


Message

Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:28:19

My son is 3. I have a long history of post seperation contact with long periods of overnight stay.

sometimesitdoesn'twork

Joined:
Posts:
Location:


Message

Posted: Thursday, December 5, 2013 - 13:03:30

I think there are a lot of misconceptions about what goes on within family courts and the only people who really have the knowledge or sight of what goes on are the people who work in them day in day out, lawyers and judges. What happened a year ago will not necessarily be the same as now in a different court with different circumstances. Also with parenting there is often no right or wrong, just people doing different things, and that is reflected in attitudes, not just of parents, but the legal profession and judiciary as well. IMHO seeing courts as being unfair usually is a self fulfilling prophecy because it leads to anxiety, blame and anger effecting behaviour and ultimately the outcome. For developmental reasons Cafcass suggest contact little and often for very young children and that under threes might find overnights difficult. But the courts treat every case individually and shared residency has be granted for young children in some cases when they are adaptable. See C (A Child) [2006] EWCA Civ 235; http://www.familylawweek.co.uk/site.aspx?i=ed1791

Captain Oates

Joined:
Posts:
Location:


Message

Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:31:47

You are right, that is in your favour. Courts are becoming more giving towards contact with Dad and see the relationship as worthwhile. We don\'t live in Scandinavia though, so will be harder than there (wrongly). Worth a good go and may get what you want, is better than what you have probably. We were all hoping for you that she would be reasonable and phone up and meet down the pub and sort it out fairly 50 50 with you. All the best.

Captain Oates

Joined:
Posts:
Location:


Message

Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:31:47

stidw, if people believe it\'s a monster, it usually is.

Captain Oates

Joined:
Posts:
Location:


Message

Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:31:47

(That was a metaphor on a point MrNoOne, not calling the Court a monster). I would take it up with stidws offline, but she\'d probably take it as me asking her out, women can be funny like that.

sometimesitdoesn'twork

Joined:
Posts:
Location:


Message

Posted: Thursday, December 5, 2013 - 13:03:30

Sorry, lost a sentence relating to C: Even when young children aren\'t considered adaptable and SR isn\'t seen as being in their best interests there is no reason why it can\'t be granted later.

Captain Oates

Joined:
Posts:
Location:


Message

Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:31:47

No smoke without fire is perhaps a more apropriate analogy. Sorry I am putting you off MNO, you have a good chance, better than most. Most of us have allowed child to fall over and court go mad for want of a better reason.

MrNoOne

Joined:
Posts:
Location:


Message

Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:28:19

i also read that article. Yes to This is a child with a strong attachment to both parents who was happy and confident in both homes. Yes to There is a real proximity between the two homes. Yes to There is a real proximity of the homes and especially the father\'s home to L\'s school. Yes to L has a real familiarity with both homes and a sense of belonging in each. Yes to L has a clearly expressed perception that he has two homes. Yes to There is a relatively fluid passage for L between the two homes. Yes to There is a relatively fluid passage of L to and from school from each home. Yes to There is some post-separation history of L\'s care being shared between his parents. The first thing my son said to me after talking to him after 5 weeks was i want to go to papa house, papa pick me up. I owe it to me son to fight and give him what he deserves, whatever that costs me. I\'m still kind of young and need to move on but i cant move on without my son.

Captain Oates

Joined:
Posts:
Location:


Message

Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:31:47

How about start by taking what she offers and then keep asking for more without going to court, then if she goes to court for finances take her to court. Thing is her sol will tell her (like my ex\'s told her) that the Court don\'t really care so long as the child is fed and watered, thus status quo is so important. I seem to be going round in circles. I think if she is consulting with sol then unfortunately decency seems to disappear as sol will tell her less contact is more money. If she isn\'t then try softly softly for a little while longer. Your call.

Captain Oates

Joined:
Posts:
Location:


Message

Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:31:47

If she is taking advice from a sol then will need to go to court, else may be able to reach amicable agreement.

MrNoOne

Joined:
Posts:
Location:


Message

Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:28:19

she is taking sol advice as she said you will hear from my sol.

MrNoOne

Joined:
Posts:
Location:


Message

Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:28:19

It\'s not like my hearing will be next week. I\'ll see what she offers in terms of contact, if anything, and go from there.

Captain Oates

Joined:
Posts:
Location:


Message

Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:31:47

Good luck mate.

MrNoOne

Joined:
Posts:
Location:


Message

Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:28:19

I guess i\'m glad that C1 form was submitted. I\'ve still not heard anything from her or her sol.

Captain Oates

Joined:
Posts:
Location:


Message

Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:31:47

Why don\'t you call her to try to sort it out?

MrNoOne

Joined:
Posts:
Location:


Message

Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:28:19

i dont want to get done for harassment either. What is the balance :-S

Captain Oates

Joined:
Posts:
Location:


Message

Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:31:47

Calling your ex once a week to try to sort out contact and then talk to child isn\'t harrassment. I would try it. Burden of proof in Civil Court is lower than Criminal Court, i.e. On The Balance of Probabilities, rather than Beyond a Reasonable Doubt.

MrNoOne

Joined:
Posts:
Location:


Message

Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:28:19

What to do now. Today, the court hearing date came and it’s in Mid Sept. My sol also received the letter from her sol in regards to contact and she said she has no intention of denying contact and didn’t but the fact I didn’t contact her all that time so it’s my fault she saying. X2be said she has been very generous in contact before the argument between us and that she still is going to be. She proposed\\offered ‘Every Other Weekend Fri (From Nursery) - Sun (6pm) and a few flexible hours on those other weekend’s I don’t see my son but this will need to be agreed by her. She’ll probably go mad again now that she’s also received the hearing date too and take back what she just offered even though she responded late. I’m really upset about what she has offered and the hearing date is ages away. My sol is going to reply about contact being reduced and if we can reach an agreement to what I had before, I would then drop the hearing. Also if we can draw up an order and get it rubber stamped at the same time. Just finding it hard to be strong right now and what to do or what will happen.

Captain Oates

Joined:
Posts:
Location:


Message

Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:31:47

Well, do what your sol says but call her once a week (say Sunday) to try and sort it between you. Also, I\'d take what she is offering in the mean time (before Court). Re Court, don\'t say I didn\'t warn you. Court by default dish out every other weekend and think they are being generous and are ba&^%$ds. Her sol has sent the letter offering that as he/she thinks that\'s what you will end up with if you go through contested Court.

Captain Oates

Joined:
Posts:
Location:


Message

Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:31:47

You could take whatever she offers and simply not take them back if things get frought as they seem to be. She seems to be playing dirty and has done this, why shouldn\'t you? Sorting directly has to be preferable though.

Captain Oates

Joined:
Posts:
Location:


Message

Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:31:47

I meant abduct the child. She has done this, why don\'t you. Would get you in Court sooner if nothing else. Sol will advise against this, but remember this - Sol is officer of the Court, and ultimately full of shite and doesn\'t care.

Captain Oates

Joined:
Posts:
Location:


Message

Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:31:47

There is no legal reason why you shouldn\'t do it that way.

MrNoOne

Joined:
Posts:
Location:


Message

Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:28:19

I really wished the hearing date was closer as this could now compromise my shared residency even though my sol recons it won\'t since it\'s the courts who have delayed it. Sept will be 4 months unless contact is agreed beforehand. She probably got the hearing info today or tomo so we don\'t even know what she will do next. I will have to wait and see how she responds and wait for her response to the letter sent today. I would accept the contact but only as interim contact. If contact has again been denied because i\'m taking her to court, or we cannot renegotiate more, i guess i will still have to proceed with the court hearing as the denied and proposed contact is having a detrimental bearing on my son. She may give more in reality like before as she stated plus flexible contact on other weekends which could mean anything from an hour to overnight. But she will not put it on paper as she knows that whatever contact she gives, I will now make sure an order is drawn up and rubber stamped by the DJ. I agree, she is playing dirty and very smart. She has turned my son into an object which she loans by agreements. Obducting my son will destruct my residency order and is not civil. It makes things worse and just backfires. I don\'t advice this. I really dont think my sol is after my money, even today he said we can withdraw the application.

Captain Oates

Joined:
Posts:
Location:


Message

Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:31:47

I\'m just saying he is an agent of the court and will do anything to calm things down for the children, regardless if that includes you or not, I hope you understand that because I don\'t know how else to phrase it at the moment.

Captain Oates

Joined:
Posts:
Location:


Message

Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:31:47

u dont sat why u wont call her to negotiate.

Captain Oates

Joined:
Posts:
Location:


Message

Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:31:47

Why don\'t you?
You need to login / register to post a reply.