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MrNoOne

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Subject: Want to apply for Joint/Shared Residence Order Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:28:19

It’s been awhile since I last posted. Since Nov\\Dec, my 2.5 yr old son was living with me since x2be was having boyfriend issues. So I became the parent with care and she’d have him now and then. In Jan, I became ill for a week or so and she then looked after him and decided she’s fine to look after him again and took him back. We’ve gone back to the “verbally agreed”\\“SOA – June 2007” Mid Week Wed Evening and Every Weekend contact since then. last week she didn’t answer my calls or messages about my son and where I am to collect him from so I couldn’t collect him and didn’t see him. She’s also started to become difficult and as the financials aren’t going anywhere or well, and on one occasion, she got me threatened by an unknown man who brought my son out to me whilst she was inside the pub. Basically, I have come to a point now, my son doesn’t want to go back to her every time he’s with me or see’s me. If I record it, you can see how upset he get and starts to cry. He starts saying no mummy, no mummy house etc and then becomes very disturbed and starts throwing and breaking things against the wall and floor. Otherwise he’s fine and behaves well. Each and everything time I talk to him on the phone when I don’t have him, he tells me to come pick him up repeatedly and says no mummy. If I say to her, can I keep him longer or an extra night like today, she said you don\'t give me the time back even though she is with him everyday (she don\'t work at the moment). She always looks into in from what ‘I’ say or \'want\' and debates about it. Today told her, stop and think \'what our son wants for once\' and that he may also want to see me too. She said she doesn’t want a debate and didn’t say anything and went quite until I said bye to her then and we put the phone down. I can pray for him all I want but who the only person who could help me is this situation, I think it Cafcass\\wealth fare officer. I want to apply for a Joint/Shared Residence Order which is also what my solicitor advices too. I want to know the in and outs of Joint/Shared Residence Order and any other info that would be usefull and if i should do this is the right way. TIA

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EnglishRose

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Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:33:37

It\'s hard to tell isn\'t it what\'s going on. When my children were 2 or 3 they never wanted to change where they were - so if it was tiem for nursery school or time to leave the house to go shopping or time for anythign they would kick up a fuss and want to stay where they were. But here he seems unhappy even when you ring. Do you think he\'s being hurt or ignored or something by his mother and can you get any evidence of that? It\'s a pity he\'s not 4 and could talk to you about it. Some people who apply for court orders find the mother denies then any contact ever again and the courts do not imprison women who do that which of course is very unfair so just be careful in case it backfires. On the other hand sometimes people do respect the courts\' decisions. However it is very likely a 2 year old would be ordered to be with ihs mother and you\'d get every other weekend - you might get less than you have now as courts are sexist and the mother here doesn\'t work and the child is so young. What you need is to agree between you some fair timings and stick to them. he is probably still remembering the two months he was with you. It\'s a pity you were ill and broke the pattenr. What children like least is change.

MrNoOne

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Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:28:19

He\'s a very demanding boy and makes my whole family run around him so i don\'t know how she copes considering she is signed off sick long term from work. I know he doesnt get the attention with her that he gets staying at our house as there are loads of us. She also leaves him around her mums a lot too which i know off and also stays there overnight too. You\'d be suprised the stuff he comes out with considering he 2 and a half, but i don\'t want to pressure him to talk about it nor confuse him. It\'s not fair. if he says it, fine. He wants to be with me so so much which is why its even harder for me so see him like this. I ended up having him last night and today, he didn\'t want me to go to work today either and saying to me stay at home, don\'t go and leave me, miss you. She will deny me access and it may backfire thats for sure, but i can\'t just do nothing.... he\'s so innocent deserves better. I get everyweekend and mid week evening, for me thats excellent, but for him, its nothing.. he don\'t know whether he\'s coming or going. its just nor fair for men!!!! tbh, whether i was ill or not, when she gave him to me, she said to me that it\'s not permanent and don\'t use it against her so she would have taken him back soon enough anyway. I AM and FEEL SO HELPLESS FOR MY SON! :\'-(

MrNoOne

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Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:28:19

again i dropped my son of today to his mothers after having him the weekend. i\'ve never \'ever\' seen him cry so so much. his eyes went really red, snot everywhere, got to a point he was coughing and sounded like he couldn\'t even breathe.... i had to leave him like that after being told to go as he\'s crying because of you :\'-( i phoned afterwards, she wouldn\'t answer, i text her saying i know he\'s crying, at least answer the phone so i called her again and she ansered, he was still crying really badly and put the phone down. i text her shortly afterwards, she replied, \"no, he beatin me up. he never been like this. ur doing a good job of taking me son away!\", i told her to call me afterwards, she still hasn\'t even though i called her twice now and no answer. i\'m not harrasing her, just want to know my son as settled. I was also reading this thread... http://www.ondivorce.co.uk/messageboard/mb-index.php?mb_id=2&subject_id=7033 looks like i got no change of getting shared\\joint residency order..... MY POOR SON! :\'-(
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