Telephone
Helpline
Discussions
& Chats
Case
Histories
Available
Downloads

You are not logged in.

Facebook Twitter Google Digg Reddit LinkedIn Pinterest StumbleUpon Email

In order to post messages to this discussion board click here to login/register

Back

Home Register

pisces19

Joined:
Posts:
Location:

Message

Subject: Can anybody help please? Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:28:29

hi seamus sounds like you are having a rough time but well done for getting out of an abusive relationship, this site will offer you plenty of support i am sure. counselling can come from any number of sources depending on your daughters age. there may be some kind of pastoral support set up at school , if not childline and connexions are both excellent organisations, Connexions especially offers one to one counselling and personal support , their website should give a local branch and there are some very good internet sites for children going through family beak- ups. your gp will also be able to point you in the right direction. As for you, your gp may be able to help altho i expect there will be a huge waiting list, dont let that put you off, i waited six months for my nhs counselling but that 6 months flew and boy did i still need it, so i would say it is worth putting your name down asap. Again tho parentline is a good organisation for support and the samaritans are always willing to listen. as are we all on here. have you got friends and family you can rely on ? good luck x

Replies

Kat007

Joined:
Posts:
Location:


Message

Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:29:05

Firstly well done for getting out of the absive marriage you are so brave and I take my hat off to you. big hug from me ((((((HUG))))). It is so sad the kids suffered but you took them out of it, so many people don\'t and in the end really bad things can happen, this shows what a great Mum you are. Why is he taking furniture? and due to his absive nature I would try and ask your solicitor and put it that you are scared he is going to hit you and ask if you can please change the locks as you do not feel safe in your own home. You have the backing of a criminal record to show how abusive he is so hopefully you can. Regarding the house, He under no circumstances can sell the house without your permission, he may think he can but he can\'t so don\'t worry. The only person who can force the sale of a property is a judge and they are reluctant to do so if they know you can afford the mortgage on your own. Yes solicitors are expensive( i was lucky and get leagl aid) only use them when your really need to, write them a letter detailing everything you need answers too before you go to a meeting thus saving time when you get there. If they are armed with questions before they normally have the answers straight away. and a letter is cheaper than a meeting. The concrete, what the hell is that about, is it on a public highway or private road. I would check with your local council and see if they can do anything to clean it up and if they ask if you know who it was (be good if they do)they might want his address so they can then recoup the costs of the clear up, and if he does it again or anything like it they will have it on record and he will be charged with criminal damage as I expect the road will have to be dug up and resurfaced. What an absolute idiot. Good Luck and please keep posting xxx

seamus

Joined:
Posts:
Location:


Message

Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:27:00

Thanks so much for replying and for your support. He is taking the furniture and other stuff because he wants it for the house he has rented and I asked him not to take things until I could afford to replace them but he just comes in and takes things anyway and turns the place upside down looking for things shouting all the time. The concrete is in two and a half big containers and I begged him not to dump it but he swore at me and did it anyway then said he would move it when Id put the houses on the open market [ we have a joint owned holiday cottage that has a morgage, my house doesnt have a morgage] I have an appointment now with my solicitor so thats a relief although I have to pay her 1000 up front and its not for 3 weeks and I only have 1000 until my caravan site opens and thats where he has dumped the concrete so I cant open it until the concrete is gone, its on my own access road to my caravan site. I have a morgage promise so I could pay a morgage to give him a share of my house and the holiday home could be sold, but he doesnt want to be agreeable he thinks if he forces a sale of my house he will get more money and I will suffer more because of it and he will somehow feel hes won. My daughter had a nervous tic and as soon as he left it has gone, it was only an outward sign, but what was in must have been worse, my children were affected by it but they hide it as well,but the outward sign of my daughters tic made me realise it was damaging them, the relief when he finally went was obvious I feel a lot better knowing a solicitor will look after me and that he cant sell the house without my permission. I built this house 16 years ago and have raised two children on my own in it. He only married me two years ago but I wish more than anything I had stayed on my own

Nibs

Joined:
Posts:
Location:


Message

Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:30:11

hiya. Sorry to hear of your situation. like Kat said he should not be taking furniture out of the home. It is also unlikely that you will lose everything, you may have to give him a small share of your assets but the courts will also look at what you both brought into the marriage. keep your chin up and remain strong for the children. Once you have spoken to your solicitor she will confirm that only the courts can force a sale. your husband cannot. Best of luck Nibs

Kat007

Joined:
Posts:
Location:


Message

Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:29:05

It will also depend on whether this is classed as a short marriage or not, two years isn\'t long and they might decide you both leave with what you went in with. I hope this is the case as it seems you have now started to build albeit with aggrevation from the ex a new business. If you are both on the mortgage of the holiday home and you just want rid of him offer it to him through the legal channel. Get him out of your life and continue on with yours and the children. I was thinking about you comment regarding your daughters tic, yes inwardly she probably was suffering and for any mother or father that is a hard thing to aknowledge, now he has gone she seems better which is good news. You don\'t say how old she is and it might be worth her having some form of counselling to help her deal with her emotions regarding the situtation. She may still has some of those feelings inside and to insure she can understand herself it could be good for her. I wish you loads of luck and keep smiling things will get better. k xxx

seamus

Joined:
Posts:
Location:


Message

Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:27:00

Thanks Kat. When you talk about councelling [I could do with some as well I think] where would I go to find out where to get the right kind of specialised help for her xx

pisces19

Joined:
Posts:
Location:


Message

Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:28:29

hi seamus sounds like you are having a rough time but well done for getting out of an abusive relationship, this site will offer you plenty of support i am sure. counselling can come from any number of sources depending on your daughters age. there may be some kind of pastoral support set up at school , if not childline and connexions are both excellent organisations, Connexions especially offers one to one counselling and personal support , their website should give a local branch and there are some very good internet sites for children going through family beak- ups. your gp will also be able to point you in the right direction. As for you, your gp may be able to help altho i expect there will be a huge waiting list, dont let that put you off, i waited six months for my nhs counselling but that 6 months flew and boy did i still need it, so i would say it is worth putting your name down asap. Again tho parentline is a good organisation for support and the samaritans are always willing to listen. as are we all on here. have you got friends and family you can rely on ? good luck x
You need to login / register to post a reply.