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Suvla1915

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Subject: What\'s he up to? Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:28:15

Having been pushed into issuing divorce proceedings in the summer we now have decree nisi. This week I have had a letter from ex2b\'s solicitor saying he would be prepared to wait 2 years after all! I can\'t help wondering whether this is a tactic to avoid having to disclose the financial details I have asked for. This is what I wanted back then, and what I think should have happened as he had no UB grounds against me, and I hate the idea of not being his wife anymore but now I don\'t know whether it would be best to just get him out of my life properly and face up to the house being sold etc now or put everything on hold, stay put in the house of memories and concentrate on getting on with life without the legal stress. I know I will have to decide for myself but I would be grateful for any thoughts on the pros and cons financially and emotionally of waiting.

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old fool

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Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:30:02

suvla, I took control of the marriaqe breakdown and issued the divorce papers in August of last year. The decree Nisi came through in early December and I was coping ok with that. Being informed by Ex that he has moved on and has a new partner absolutely floored me. Now all the positive emotions I had have come flooding back. I look at his shoulders, I think about the hugs, the loving things we used to do and it makes me feel lonely and lost. I regret the divorce and wish I could turn the clocks back. Probably completely unrealistics because he has diffinatley moved on! Maybe the reason for the delay tactic is that your ex wants an opportunity to make it right? If you think it is financial only then continue with the absolute. It is hard and will be hard for a long time. Doesn\'t mean it\'s the wrong decision. Be strong and listen to your heart !

evr

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Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:39:03

I really wouldnt wait suvla. Its always hard going through divorce, but it will be just as hard in two years time, and during that period your ex will have made sure he has hidden everything he can and you will be in limbo.

Jellylegs

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Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:30:37

\'I don\'t know whether it would be best to just get him out of my life properly and face up to the house being sold etc now or put everything on hold, stay put in the house of memories and concentrate on getting on with life without the legal stress. \' This is a dilemma I recognise so well, for I have been there Suvla. I didn\'t want my marraige to end, but he had left, said he was never coming back, had bought a house for someone else and was generally behaving in a vile way towards me. It was the hardest and worst decision to make, and I could have delayed it by doing nothing, I would still be in FMH and he would maybe still be paying bills, maybe visiting occasionally, maybe not. And in the end it was all the maybe\'s that drove me to lead the divorce. After 6 months of it I decided I couldn\'t live like that any more - the insecurity of it drove me nuts. Once decided, i wanted it sorted, stuck my head down and saw it thru with a ruthless unswervability. I still dont know I did the right thing, but in my mind I had no choice - I had to get away from the insecurity for me and my girls, I had to sort myself out, set myself up, and I wasn\'t going to hang about and be treated like that. So, if he is giving you hope that there is ANY reconciliation chance, think carefully. If not, then you will lose out by delaying it - you will lose out financially as others point out, and you will lose out emotionally, for you will still be doing it sometime, and that invisible thread of marraige will still be there... Onwards and Upwardsx

LazyLizzie

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Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 - 10:30:41

There is nothing to stop you sorting out the finances without applying for the absolute as far as I know. This would give you the best of both worlds. The money/assets would still be held by the two of you should a reconcilliation happen in the future - all you would have lost was some money on solicitors. If he argues about this as a suggestion try pointing out to him that many couples don\'t have joint accounts and credit cards these days so what difference does it make. If a reconcilliation didn\'t happen then you would have had a fair share of the pot and as has already been pointed out, he won\'t have been given the opportunity to squirrel away any of YOUR money. Moving on would then be a relatively easy and pain free option.
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