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road2freedom

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Subject: Memorandum of Understanding Posted: Thursday, December 5, 2013 - 12:54:16

Just got Decree Nisi, and about to agree Finances before absoute. Ex left nearly 2 years ago and we went to mediation straight away and produced a Memorandum of Understanding about our finances in two sessions. Before this is rubber stamped by the Court, I just wondered if everyone thinks it is a fair deal for us both. Bit worried, as we did it when emotions were running high and things have settled a lot since then. Anyway: I am pwc of 2 children (10 & 12). Ex-h has access every other weekend and two evenings a month (his choice). I am keeping family home, with a 60:40 split in my favour when kids are 18 (Mesher order). He is renting a property. I am in part-time job, but going to do a degree (part-time) and then teacher training. He is paying 500 a month CM (20% of current salary), which brings my monthly income to 1,800. His monthly income is 2,500 (which leaves him 2,000 after paying CM). His Pension will be split 60:40 in his favour. We both have low pensions, as he was at university for 5 years when we were married (and I was main breadwinner). No other assets. I have paid half his credit card debts (700) because he said that they were family expenses. Does all this sound OK? I am getting a bit twitchy, as the Day of Reckoning draws near, and not sure if this is a fair deal or not, or whether there is anything we have missed out. Any advice would be very welcome. Thank you so much. road2freedom

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Mark Y

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Posted: Thursday, December 5, 2013 - 12:54:15

To some extent it doesn\'t matter what other people think. There will always be people who will say you are not getting enough, and a lawyer will nearly always say \'I can get you more\'. The important thing is, if you are reasonably happy (and nobody will be completely happy) with the plan, then stick with it. You don\'t mention whether there is a mortgage and an endowment policy, and I assume the Mesher will kick in after the children after they reach 18 or leave full time education, which ever be the later. For what it is worth, the settlement doesn\'t sound unreasonable.

EnglishRose

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Posted: Thursday, December 5, 2013 - 12:54:15

Sounds fine to me but I think if the pensions are so small do not bother with them. I think it costs 1k to set up a pension sharing order and might be better if you got a little bit more cash to reflect the difference and if you\'l be teaching full time between say ages of 45 and 65 you can build up your own pension then. His time with the children is absolutely pathetic as is the case with most men. They shoudl have 50% of the time forced on them particularly where the mother works full time.

Tabatha42

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Posted: Thursday, December 5, 2013 - 12:54:16

it does sound reasonable, but I wonder whether he should also be paying you some spoousal maintenance until you can work full-time and fully support yourself.

road2freedom

Username: road2freedom
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Posted: Thursday, December 5, 2013 - 12:54:16

Thanks very much for your comments everybody. Just wanted a bit of reassurance I think! There is 89,000 outstanding on our mortgage, Mark Y. I will be paying mortgage until Mesher kicks in. He cashed in the endowment and (very reluctantly) gave me half. I\'ll have a think about the pensions, ER, although I won\'t be teaching until I am about 52! I agree about the contact with kids that he has chosen. On the other hand, the kids are happy with this and actually get more \'quality\' time with their Dad than they did when we were married. I thought about spousal maintenance, Tabatha42, but I can just about cope on what I\'ve got coming in and it was my choice to work term time only. He\'s complaining all the time about how I\'ve forced him into a life of poverty as it is, so I\'d rather just get him off my back with the minimum aggro! Thanks so much, folks. I feel much happier now! r2f

Samson

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Posted: Thursday, December 5, 2013 - 12:54:16

RTF, Your split sounds like a good compromised settlement, I hate using this phrase but \"at the end of the day\" you both can get on with your lifes ER, I agree with you 50% care. Can you just get my exW to agree now! Not all men shirk their childs responsibilities. Good Luck RTF Sam

EnglishRose

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Posted: Thursday, December 5, 2013 - 12:54:15

The questino is why do I want 50/50 and so many women don\'t? Is it simply because I work full time and support us? Is it because I love my children less? Is it simply because my ex doesn\'t want anything like 50% and is happy with 0.001% so I want what I can\'t have? the practical reaons are it\'s cost me a fortune over 5 years in child care costs not to have him having the children and also it would be nice to get say one night off a year without 5 children around teh place. Don\'t these women who want the children 100% of the time want a night off?

road2freedom

Username: road2freedom
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Posted: Thursday, December 5, 2013 - 12:54:16

I offered 50/50 ER and I definitely don\'t need a free childminder or love my children less......anymore than you do, I\'m sure. I just believe that the children deserve an equal opportunity to be with each parent. I can\'t understand any parent who denies their children (or the other parent) that fundamental right, or why my exh (having the option of 50/50) chooses to see them only every other weekend. Any truly caring, loving parent (like you Samson) who wants 50% contact should automatically be entitled to this on divorce. The start point should be 50/50, like the finances. I\'ll get off my soapbox now!!!!!!! r2f

EnglishRose

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Posted: Thursday, December 5, 2013 - 12:54:15

And a man will have to have a jolly good reason not to agree 50/50 and having to pay for childcare like full time workign mothers have to do on divorce is not a good enough reason.

EnglishRose

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Posted: Thursday, December 5, 2013 - 12:54:15

(Mine don\'t seem to mind or say they don\'t, seeing very little of their father and he doesn\'t mind so it\'s only I that minds - they\'re trying to get out of seeig him tomorrow I just heard them plotting so what happens - I don\'t get 2 hours of relative peace, he doesn\'t spend the 6 or whatever he spends on them for school pencils of whateer his only contribution to the family and thirdly they want to hire a DVD at my expense to watch here with their brother. So I lose out 3 times because of the lack of contact - lose the peace, lose his financial contribution and have to pay for the privilege)
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