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Sarah Louise

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Subject: Spousal maintenance for ex-hubby Posted: Thursday, December 5, 2013 - 12:54:16

My Ex-Hubby is self employed and I believe that he has fiddled his earnings to make them look much lower than they actually are and has probably been doing a number of cash in hand jobs to make his earnings look lower. We were married for just 2 years, I have always earnt quite a lot more than he does even on his genuine salary but it now looks as though hie is going to try and claim maintenance from me! I\'m assuming that he is thinking of the Ray Parlour case but they had been married for 4 years and had kids whereas we were only married for 2 years and didn\'t have any kids, plus although I earn more than my ex it is nothing like even a fraction of the figures that would have been in the Ray Parlour case. Not sure if I\'m looking for re-assurance that he\'s unlikely to get what he\'s after or just the opportunity of a rant to be honest!

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Who Threw That?!!!

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Posted: Thursday, December 5, 2013 - 12:54:16

He\'s either stupid or trying to wind you up. Ignore him. It\'s a short marriage and you should be looking at a 50/50 split of any assets or debts.

Sarah Louise

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Posted: Thursday, December 5, 2013 - 12:54:16

I hope you are right, just having a bit of a stress about it all today. His solicitor is trying to say that as I earn twice as much as he does then he is entitled to a maintenance settlement. 1st hearing is a week today and starting to get a bit anxious, not getting much reassurance from my solicitor but I suppose they have to be careful what they say just in case they are held to it if it doesn\'t go the way that they suggest maybe.

Who Threw That?!!!

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Posted: Thursday, December 5, 2013 - 12:54:16

First hearing? Over what exactly? Do you have a jointly owned house? Unless you have quite substantial assets to split, it seems to me that someone\'s over-egging the cake. It\'s fairly common practice for solicitors to enhance their fees by encouraging their clients to push for more than their fair share.

Sarah Louise

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Posted: Thursday, December 5, 2013 - 12:54:16

1st hearing on financial matters and to make sure that the judge is happy with the paperwork submitted to date. Nope - I bought the house with another ex 9 years before I even met him and he has never been named on the deeds, the mortgage agreements etc, he never paid a penny towards the purchase of the house, any decoration, furniture, repairs etc - the vioew was that the house was mine so I paid for anything to do with the house and he just gave me 80 per week towards food and utility bills. At first they tried to say that he was after a one off payment as maintenence as I earn more than him, then they tried to say that he wanted 50% of the equity in the house from before I even met him and now they are going back down the maintenence route. He takes home up to 400 per week as it is, and what I find horrendous is that he has a child from a previous relationship that he never even sees and he pays a maximum of 25 per week out of his 400 per week as maintenence towards his own child - so how can he expect a huge amount for maintenance from me for himself??? He\'s a parasite and is just being vindictive!

EnglishRose

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Posted: Thursday, December 5, 2013 - 12:54:15

Starting point if 50%. Look at the Miller case too - just over a year married and she got 5m. Appalling how unfair the divorce law is. My ex earned less than I did and I paid him over 60% of assets but that was a 20 year marriage so not comparable. And in our case no children so more like the McCartne case which I think is likely to be settled shortly may be...I think he might be entitled to increase in equity in the house in the 2 yeras you were married as a clean break.

Sarah Louise

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Posted: Thursday, December 5, 2013 - 12:54:16

Thanks EnglishRose. I can cope with him getting 50% of equity during the 2 year marriage but it would gut me if he got any more than that. My solicitor obviously can\'t say too much as I suppose he doesn\'t want to risk being held to anything if it doesn\'t go as he suspects. He has said that he doesn\'t really stand a chance of getting equity from before the marriage which is why I suspect that he is now going back down the maintenance route. Will be glad when it is all over to be honest, not looking forward to having to sit in the same room as him!

Anxious

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Posted: Thursday, December 5, 2013 - 12:54:15

With a 2 year marriage, and a fit and healthy x2b (because he is working), then there is ZERO chance of maintenance. With regard to the division of assets, he will only get out the increase in value of assets, it won\'t be a 50% split.

Sarah Louise

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Posted: Thursday, December 5, 2013 - 12:54:16

Thank you Anxious, I think I\'m just flapping but it\'s really stressful just thinking about it. Logic tells me that he shouldn\'t get much at all and probably just 50% of assets during marriage which isn\'t much at all but with no guarantees it\'s had my stomach in knots for the past 2 days. I just really hope that the judge sees that he\'s trying to be vindictive and that it he gets as little as possible really. How does everyone else cope with the stress? I\'ve aged myself 5 years this week already!

Anxious

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Posted: Thursday, December 5, 2013 - 12:54:15

Sarah Louise Don\'t worry, the judge will see right through it (not that it will reach that stage anyway). The way to deal with it all (in terms of stress) is to look on it as a load of old bullshit and accept that everyone is playing games. Find someone to talk to/rant at, and just remember to scream with frustration once in a while. Divorce solicitors will try to gee both parties up into thinking that they will get more than they are entitled to, much akin to two cockfighters winding up their birds before throwing them into the ring to fight it out. Try to treat them with total contempt. They ARE NOT your friend! Solicitors are in it for what they can make out of it, so it pays for them to encourage their clients to fight. The simplest divorces are the ones with no kids and under 5 years. Yours is a simple case, although it may not feel like it. Neither party will get quite what they want - it called \'compromise\'. Your ex is probably \'trying it on\' out of some misguided information he was given by a bar room lawyer. However, whatever the \'thinks\' he is entitled to, cannot be gained without spending many tens of thousands of pounds on solicitors/barristers, and if he can\'t afford them, the his access to the court is frustrated. Let him punch all he likes in that paper bag world of his and once he calms down and realises he can\'t afford the legal fees, then offer him 1000 to sod off. It will, and probably should, put you off marriage for life. Unless you find someone fantastically wealthy to marry in future.

Sarah Louise

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Posted: Thursday, December 5, 2013 - 12:54:16

It just seems so ridiculous that it has even got this far! He\'s being vindictive because he never thought that I would leave him but after 18 months of hell and lots of 2nd chances, I finally stuck to my guns and wouldn\'t give in to his pleas for one more chance any more and I divorced him on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour. It annoys me as I offered him 100% of the equity gained during the 2 years plus for him to keep the car that I bought him and not pay me back the 1,500 that he had borrowed but he had to be greedy and push for more - it has cost over 3k in solicitors / legal fees already and we haven\'t even got to court yet, I\'m really hoping that it doesn\'t go past a FDR hearing or even that far but to be honest I didn\'t think he\'d be daft enough or spiteful enough to even push it as far as this. Not looking forward to having to be in the same room as him next Monday.

EnglishRose

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Posted: Thursday, December 5, 2013 - 12:54:15

I don\'t think he stands much chance of getting more than 50% of your joint assets increased during the 2 years including split of car and the money you loaned him perhaps paid back unless he can say he sacrificed good career plans to be available at home or whatever.

Sarah Louise

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Posted: Thursday, December 5, 2013 - 12:54:16

I don\'t expect to paid anything back for all the money that I paid out on him over the 2 years - the full cost of the wedding, holidays, his car and course plus many of his personal bills (mobile bills, car insurance etc) I\'m not interested in having any cash back from him, I just don\'t want him to get a silly amount of money. When I look at the facts it makes sense that he won\'t get much but I suppose that I have the odd wobbly moment and worry that I might get some freak judge who wants to prove a point or got out of the wrong side of bed or something.
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